Catherine: I am Heathcliff.
Heathcliff: No, I am Heathcliff.
Catherine: No, I am. Look it says so right here in the book.
Heathcliff: Hmm... that's odd, who wrote the book?
Catherine: Someone called Emily Bronte
Heathcliff: Don't know her. Do you?
Catherine: Nope.
Heathcliff: So how did Ms. Bronte describe me in the book?
Catherine: Let's see... Well it says here that Heathcliff is the darkest character ever written about in English literature.
Heathcliff: Since when are people judged based on skin colour! And anyways, my skins not that dark!
Catherine: I think she meant dark as in evil...
Heathcliff: Oh. I feel horribly stupid right now.
Catherine: Hey look! I'm in the book too!
Heathcliff: Really? Let me see!
Catherine: So what does it say? I better be getting a commission on this!
Heathcliff: Well it says... errm... skip that... ouch.... pass... next... ah ha here we go, they got one thing right.
Catherine: What's that?
Heathcliff: You seem to be a little greedy...
Catherine: What! How dare she! I am not the slightest bit greedy!
Heathcliff: Yea, and Beethoven wasn't deaf...
Catherine: He was deaf?
Heathcliff: Never mind. You did marry that rich goody two shoes.
(sad, dramatic music you usually hear in romantic films when someone is about to rant on about how much they love someone)
Catherine: I did it for you Heathy! I had to marry him FOR YOU! I had to buy pretty little clothes with his money FOR YOU! I had to endure all those hot steamy nights FOR YOU!
Heathcliff: Too much info.
Catherine: Sorry.
Heathcliff: Do you love him?
Catherine: Of course I do!
Heathcliff: Why?
Catherine: Nonsense. I do and that's enough!
Heathcliff: What about me? Do you love me?
Catherine: Not now... but I will later!
Heathcliff: Later?
Catherine: Yes. As of chapter 16.
Heathcliff: But you are dead then.
Catherine: Yes I know that! What did you think I meant?
Heathcliff: Well that's awfully convenient. (aside) Girls. You can't live with them. You can't live without them.