Scene I: Living Room
[Madam is sitting on a couch centerstage. White lights fade in to 100% when the music fades out.]

Madam: (shrill, annoyed tone) ALFRED!… ALFRED!… ALFRED!

[Alfred walks onstage towards the couch]

Alfred: (frustrated) Yes Madam Poisson!? You DO NOT have to shout! I could hear you the first time!
Madam: (furious) How dare you talk back to me!
Alfred: I can do how I please! You aren’t the one in charge around here!
Madam: (soft, evil tone) As you know, [Stands] the master is not with us anymore… WHICH MEANS I AM IN CHARGE NOW!
Alfred: (restrained anger) He is only dead because you killed him!
Madam: You think so do you? Well… do you think the cops are going to believe some filthy illegal immigrant with a past as dark as night? I DON’T THINK SO!
Alfred: !

[Alfred stomps offstage]

Madam: (to herself) That Alfred is really giving me no choice! [Sits down] I better have a world with Olga… [Calls out] OLGA!… OLGA!…

[Olga runs onstage towards Madam]

Olga: (Chirpy) Yes Madam Poisson? Olga at your service!
Madam: I was wondering if we could have fish for dinner tonight…
Olga: Fish? Of course! Might I say you look B-E-A-UTIFUL today madam!
Madam: Why thank you Olga…
Olga: You’re welcome Madam! Anything else?
Madam: Yes there is actually… Take a seat…

[Olga takes a seat]

I have been meaning to ask if you have noticed anything strange about Alfred lately?
Olga: Well, now that I think about it, he has seemed a little out of sorts… perhaps even a bit hostile…
Madam: Hostile?
Olga: Yes, he has been that way ever since the master died… Just the other day I saw him putting bullets in his gun by the bedside table.
Madam: Really? Olga… I have reason to believe that Alfred might have killed the master…
Olga: (Shocked) What!? I thought the master past away in his sleep! Now you say that Alfred killed him!? You need to call the cops!
Madam: I am afraid that they won’t be of any help… The paper work they go through takes forever! Alfred might have escaped… or worse, he might have killed me by then!
Olga: It sounds like you need some professional help…
Madam: Professional help?
Olga: I know this guy… don’t ask me how or why… but I can tell you that he is good at doing what he does…
Madam: And what exactly does he do?
Olga: Oh… I think you know…

[Lights fade to black. Characters walk offstage. End of scene I.]

Scene II: Living Room
[‘Lonely as You’ by ‘The Foo Fighters’ plays in the background. Debbie is sitting on a chair, sobbing on the side of the stage. Lights fade into 100% as Alfred enters the room.]

[Alfred walks on to stage and does not notice Debbie.]

Debbie: (Sad) Alfred?

[Alfred stops, turns to Debbie]

Debbie: Do you mind if I talk to you?
Alfred: Sure, Debbie go ahead…
Debbie: I am not disturbing you or anything right?
Alfred: No, don’t worry I was just looking for something…

[Olga walks on stage and notices the conversation, she decides to stay at the back and listen instead as no one notices her.]

Debbie: Well… I know that you don’t like my mom…
Alfred: (Embarrassed) Well… errm…
Debbie: She wants to send me to boarding school!
Alfred: (Angry) What!? That vile woman!
Debbie: She wants to send me to some place called Mong-Mongi-Something! See I don’t even know how to say it!
Alfred: Mongolia?
Debbie: Yea… That’s it! I don’t even know where it is! I miss my dad so much! He was such a great father – even if he married such a horrible woman! (Angry) She only married him for his money you know! Why did he have to die! Why?!
Olga: Alfred, I think it’s time we told her the truth…

[Alfred and Debbie turn to find Olga, they are shocked, the lights cut to black. End of scene II.]

Scene III: The Alley
[The Professional stands centerstage. The coloured lights fade in as Madam Poisson walks onstage.]

Madam: (Unsure) Excuse me sir… Are you the professional?
Pro: (Sly) Well it all depends on who you are…
Madam: I am Madam Poisson, I think we spoke on the phone.
Pro: Poisson? As in fish?
Madam: What?
Pro: Your parents obviously didn’t speak French [Laughs]
Madam: What?
Pro: Never mind.
Madam: Okay… So we discussed this over the phone right? You will follow me home, when we get there I will go in and make sure the coast is clear, then I will call you on my handphone and you can go in and kill my butler. What do you think?
Pro: It’s a great plan! – ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT IT’S STUPID! I make the decisions around here not some stuck up rich lady who wants to kill her butler!
Madam: (Shocked) Sorry.
Pro: THIS is my way: I will follow you home. YOU will go inside and make sure the coast is clear. YOU will call me on your handphone. Then I will go in and kill your butler!
Madam: But that’s exactly the same as my plan!
Pro: Do I look stupid to you!? Do I?
Madam: [Pauses then Laughs] Look just tell me how much this will cost.
Pro: 12.99
Madam: (Surprised) That’s all?
Pro: Oh wait I forgot service charge! [Takes out calculator] All right. So that comes up to $120,000.99 would you like a mint?
Madam: What! (Angry) Let’s just get this over with… Here take this gun… it will look like a suicide…

[Hands Pro Gun takes out ATM card]

Do you accept ATM cards?

[Lights fade out. Characters leave stage. End of Scene III]

Scene IV: The Hallway
[Olga sits centerstage. The lights fade in illuminating only the center of the stage.]

[Alfred walks onstage towards Olga. He is visibly mad.]

Alfred: (Angry) She took it didn’t she?
Olga: Yes. I think she did. I let it slip where your gun was.
Alfred: You what!?
Olga: Trust me on this, it’s all part of the plan. He agreed anyways.
Alfred: You talked to him?
Olga: Yes I did and I got your gun back from him [Hands Olga gun]

[Debbie runs onstage]

Debbie: (Worried) Her car is pulling in!
Olga: Quick let’s get go!

[All three characters run offstage. Madam Poisson creeps onstage.]

Madam: (Worried) Where is everyone? Why is it so dark?

[Alfred walks onstage, holding gun behind his back]

Madam: (Scared) Alfred? [Tries walking back slowly] What’s that your holding in your hand?
Alfred: [Pulls out gun] Goodbye Madam Poisson!

[Lights cut to black immediately. A Gunshot is heard. Alfred walks offstage. Lights gradually fade to normal.]

Madam: [Gets up slowly, feeling the gunshot is her vest.] Ouch that hurt! Can’t these bulletproof vests stop you from hurting! [Picks up phone, dials number.] (Angry) Where are you!?

[Professional appears in the background, and the general lights fade up to about 80%]

Pro: Right here.
Madam: (Furious) That idiot shot me! I want him dead! And I want him dead now!
Pro: (Calm) It’s not my fault you got shot, you should have called me earlier. Killing is a job for someone qualified to do so, not some rich woman who can’t deal with her own butler!
Madam: YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU’RE FIRED! Pass me the bloody gun I am going to kill him myself! I have killed before you know! I don’t know why I hired you in the first place!
Pro: You call trying to poison someone killing them?
Madam: (Furious) My husband got what he deserved! All he ever cared about was his stinking daughter! He was going to give her everything! I wasn’t going to get a cent! (Confused, Suspicious.) Wait a minute… I never told you that!

Pro: [Takes off mask.] Oh but you did…
Madam: (Scared, Shocked) What! [Backs away from him] I used a full bottle of cyanide! How are you still alive!?

[Olga walks onstage.]

Olga: I was the one serving the drinks remember?
Madam: I should have known! (Angry) How could you? But wait… What about the car? I dumped it in the lake!

[Alfred walks onstage.]

Alfred: I was the one driving the car remember? I think I might have forgotten where you told me to drop it off? Ooops!
Madam: You son of a –

[Debbie walks onstage]

Debbie: [Sees The Professional] Dad! [Runs towards The Professional and gives him a hug]
Pro: I did it for OUR daughter, after all the things you did to her, I was going to go to the cops the next day, but then I found out that you were trying to kill me so that you wouldn’t get sent away.
Alfred: That’s where you really screwed up, you trusted us to do your dirty work for you, and you thought we were just going to go through with it.
Debbie: (Angry, Sad) They care more about me than you ever did mom!
Madam: So what are you going to do now? Kill me!? Go ahead!
Pro: No. We will let the feds deal with it. It should make a rather interesting case for them. Especially since all your events throughout the entire day have been recorded.
Madam: (Furious) How dare you! All of you! After all I gave you! [Points to Debbie] It’s all because of you! You stinking little teenage girl! It’s all because of you! You ruined my life!
Debbie: [Grabs gun from Dad, points it at her mom.]
All: Debbie don’t!
No!
Don’t shoot!
Debbie: (Shouts) Rot in hell!

[Lights cut to black immediately. A gunshot is heard in the background. Music intensifies. The End.]